I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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