if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
