what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
