So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
