I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
