Having a random hookup so left but love u
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize