best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
