Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
