he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There's even glitter on my cock...
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