I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
