Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
