so that wasnt chicken after all
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
