UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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