Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
