Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
