god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
