apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
