I need help removing her.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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