It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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