he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
