he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
