***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
