Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
