12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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