Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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