so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
