i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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