dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
