if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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