It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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