im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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