My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
