i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
