I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
