Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
