at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
