Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
