There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
