i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize