I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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