How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize