i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
