i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I woke up under a house in Key West
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