Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
