So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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