I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
