whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
