Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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