the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
