i think my mom watched the whole time
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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