I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
