Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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