Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize