Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize