Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
