the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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