Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
