I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No more Irish car bombs ever.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize