youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize