The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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