We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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