It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
