if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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