it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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