maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
