my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
