I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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