Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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