I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
