What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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