I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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