it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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