So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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