problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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