Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There's always time for handjobs
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
