k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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