he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
