You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
