FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
