Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
