Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Vodka?
Forever.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
