you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
pray to the hookup gods
Randomize
