They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
