whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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