And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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