BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
