i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize