did you get engaged???
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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