you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
