he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
