Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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