i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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