so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
