ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
