On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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