Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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