yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need to align my fucking chakras
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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